Booger Check

Today I thought I would dedicate a post to the value of the "Booger Check." For those of you that are not familiar with the term, it is simply a tool to avoid the embarrassment of an unwanted...um...uh...shall we say...nose buddy.

Today at breakfast, a waitress came to the table with a...ahem...nose buddy. After a quick first glance, I thought it was piercing because of where it was positioned. She seemed a little old and a little conservatively dressed for a piercing but, hey, I'm not the fashion police so I didn't give it much attention. I asked for a green tea and suggested that she return for my husband's order when he joined me at the table. She came back with my tea and I looked up from my menu to thank her which provided me with the opportunity for a long second look. I realized then that I had mistaken her nose buddy for a nose piercing. I quickly scanned the data banks for any lessons I may have learned on how to effectively yet discreetly address this very personal issue, but she was gone before I could come up with anything useful. I checked my pocket for a Kleenex but found none. What to do? What to do?

At this point, I felt the blossoming birth of curiosity. My husband is a germophobe and is repulsed by anything less than the sterile treatment of his food. I suddenly felt as though I needed to see how he would respond to this particular situation. I had my chance only a few moments later when he came and sat down. He began looking at his menu.

Our waitress came over and asked if he would like some coffee. He looked up to respond and quickly fixed his gaze upon her nose buddy. He looked at me and I gave him "the caution look." (It's kind of a quick widening of the eye followed by a short eyebrow rise served up with a clenched jaw. ) He looked at her, he looked at me, he looked at her nose buddy, then at me again. It was all I could do not to laugh. "I'll take a decaf please," he said. Did he know that his nose was turned up when he said that? I was certain that he was going to suggest that we leave, but all he said was, "the other restaurant is where the 'old boys' hang out," as though we really had no choice but to be served by the waitress with the nose-buddy.

I won't trouble you with the conversation that followed but I can assure you that there was no laughter, no rude comments, no inappropriate remarks. We were just two people every bit as embarrassed by this situation as this poor woman would be as soon as she caught her reflection in a shiny pot.

Again, this long, sordid tale is intended only to promote the Booger Check. You can use a mirror, the studious gaze of a good friend or a discrete co-worker. Children make the best booger checkers though because they take that opportunity to assess your entire facial area. They identify boogers as well as blemishes, stained teeth, tooth-buddies, red eyes, and eyebrows in need of plucking. Remember, if you don't want to know, don't ask.

CAUTION: Beware of the little trolls that decide to exploit their trusted position as your personal booger checker to capitalize on this entertaining situation at your expense. They are evil, evil people.

Not everyone is built to be a booger checker.

Ready...

set...

blow.