I am coming to the slow realization that I may be a dork. I should come with my own little warning (like my car mirror) -- Object may appear dorky when in the company of others.
I don't know if it's a phase. I hope it's a phase. Lately it seems as though my life is overflowing with these painfully long moments where I feel like an awkward kid in a room full of grown ups. It happens at work more often than not, though that's likely because I don't often socialize when I'm off the clock. I describe myself as an introvert though I think I'm in danger of being the neighbourhood's crazy shut-in. Are they still called hermits?
Keep in mind that most of my customers are either driven entrepreneurs of the Type A variety or wide-minded hippies in search of organic health food instead of buying poisoned groceries. I'm way too apathetic to be an entrepreneur or a conspiracy theorist. I am more of a free-spirit; more easy-going; laid back in a way that Laz-Y-Boy only wishes it could be. See the way I flaunt my complete disregard for grammar and punctuation? It's my Blog, I'll do what I want. Maybe I just notice it more when I'm at work because I find it so difficult to identify with my customers.
I was born in a time when Doris Day's anthem Que Sera Sera established a tone of apathy for an entire generation. Whatever will be, will be. We've since shortened that to .... whatever. What do you want for dinner? Whatever. What do you want to do with your life? Whatever. What do you think about spontaneous human combustion? Whatever. OK, well that last one is an exaggeration because I have definite opinions about SHC, but you get the idea. Whatever! Nothing that happens to me today will so damage me that I will not rise again tomorrow (save being hit by a bus). I will outlive my mistakes and survive my embarrasments. Whatever!
Why is it then that I feel so damn out of place? Really. My boss and I talked about having someone visit our customer locations to help boost sales. I conceded that while I have an outgoing phone personality, I am a dork in person. If you don't believe me, put me in a room full of people that I barely know (without a drink in my hand) and see how I fall apart. Onlookers would believe that my first language is not English. People unfortunate enough to find themselves in a conversation with me will never find a longer list of short answers. You could extract my tooth easier than my position on religion in public schools. I think I could even put Dale Carnegie on edge.
I'm going to move forward with the notion that this is a phase. I think that I can overcome "dorky." I think that I can even overcome it with little or no effort. I think "dorky" might be a state of mind fed by niggling self-doubt. I bet that with a little rest, maybe a full-body massage, a haircut and a pedicure, I might be able to leave "dorky" behind.
Hopefully in a month or two I look back at this post and think "What the heck were you thinking?"
6 comments:
(Whatever) in the heck are you thinking? You aren't a dork.
And if you are, then perhaps it's a good thing...
Thanks for your reassurances Don. Based upon your reply, it is safe to assume you were not in the grocery store parking lot tonight watching me schlep my groceries to the car, fight with the trunk, drop my purse, get winter crud all over my black coat and slip on the ice.
I would love to be poised and graceful. I'm so not those things.
Whatever!
Here's a secret - everyone is a dork.
:)
We all fall onto the ice, forget people's names, tell off-color jokes, wear the wrong outfit, etc.
What's more important is being OK and comfortable with yourself. If you can laugh at yourself when you don't quite fit in, people will be put at ease and like you more.
I never feel like I fit in!
Thanks Diane. I know what you say is true. I just struggle to integrate that message into my thinking patterns.
We grew up next to people who didn't believe in dinosaurs, ate road kill and got driven to school by a stoned bus driver. There's a huge amount of DORK in all of us.
Once you make friends with your DORKY side and get comfortable with yourself you'll find that it's the evil EGO that gives you that label. We're all individual and certainly you shouldn't be striving to integrate. You don't have to become part of the BORG.
I love being DORKY. It's taken me a long time to feel comfortable in my own skin. Humour can be a wonderful way to help you. Any akwardness can be tamed with a shot of funny.
Thanks anonymous. I feel better already. Road kill huh? I knew a family that did that...turtle soup.
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