With December 21st just a few days away it seems to be a good time to simplify. For someone as chronically undecided as myself, a little planning is bound to go a long way and while I don't envision a stress-free apocalypse some thoughtful planning may ease the transition to anarchy. Committed now to a doomsday theory it should be easier to focus my preparations.
The more I think about the end of the world, the more I wonder -- What do I wear? Some may consider this to be a shallow point to ponder but I really see it as a practical question that begs for a thoughtful answer. Let's face it...a forced evacuation means that I may very well have to live with that outfit for the rest of my life. (I can assure you...I am not taking to the hills with luggage in tow.) You don't agree? Take a moment to picture yourself running through dense bush wearing whatever you wore to work on Friday. Now, envision yourself curled up in an abandoned building trying to catch a quick nap in the same outfit. And finally, imagine that same outfit in 10 weeks. Understand now?
Most mornings I stare at my closet in disbelief at an ever-shrinking wardrobe. I select and de-select outfit after outfit while trying to muster the female fortitude required to wrestle myself into a pair of nylon stockings. I can't afford the luxury of this time-wasting indecision when the zombies come a knockin'. It's better, I think, to have an outfit picked out. I especially don't want my end to come at the door of my closet...certainly not without anyone left to enjoy the irony in that demise.
Something tells me that I'm going to need lots of pockets so I'm leaning towards a reunion with my old cargo pants. They're durable, warm, and are hands-down the wardrobe winner for "most pockets." Given that doomsday is scheduled for the beginning of a Canadian winter, layers are probably wise -- finding the right mix of natural fibres and synthetics will be important. Footwear will be critical. I have selected a pair of military-style boots with a good tread, cotton anklets and a pair of wool work socks in keeping with my layering theme. I am, however, going to need a new bra.
I watched a video on Yahoo's fashion site that says that most women are wearing the wrong bra size. Most women, they claim, should wear a cup size F or G which I find astonishing since department stores largely carry cups A through D. In fact, I've never seen an F or G and envision a bowling ball sized accessory with straps. I imagine myself using it to carry firewood, or harvesting pumpkins, or launching stones at the enemy slingshot style. I'll choose a bra without underwire so that I don't have to worry about wire poking into my armpit for eternity on earth. No lace, no jewels, no gel inserts...a practical sports bra will fit the bill I think.
I'll lay out my clothes on December 20th and am committed to packing them for work the next day. (I don't dare show up at the office in my doomsday get-up when it clearly doesn't conform to dress code.) I'll tell you what though...I am NOT wearing nylons to work on Friday.
It's settled then! With only 5 days left of business dress, I will treat myself to a new bra and will observe a self-imposed "no nylon stockings" rule until the fate of all mankind is decided.
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