With less than one week to go before the Mayan Calendar runs out, we are faced once again with the prophesied end of the world.
The Mayans were especially helpful in identifying the date, however the cause is not clear which makes the whole prediction seem a little wishy-washy in my book. Some suggest that the world will end when earth collides with a celestial body while other theories portend pestilence. My kids are partial to the idea of a Zombie Apocalypse and Hollywood has foretold of an alien invasion on more than on occasion. Solar flares, a shift in the magnetic poles, flood, famine...the possibilities are endless.
After studying the book of Revelations during youth group, I was horrified by the idea that Satan would release his minions upon the face of the earth in a grandiose battle of good versus evil. Of course, thirty years later I have come to terms with the fact that this has already occurred. If you don't believe me, open up an account on Plenty of Fish. Malevolent forces will reveal themselves to you. Be forewarned though...they will want to chat.
With six short days to go, imminent collision with an asteroid or wayward planet would surely be uncovered by NASA if not , by now, any star-gazer with a department store telescope. I simply don't believe in a conspiracy of silence that would keep this information from the general public. Try to convince me that the world can keep a secret when Facebook tells me what's being served for dinner on the other side of the country. I mean really...isn't a message about a heavenly collision so much more interesting than stir fry?
Solar flares and atmospheric changes are a bit of a concern. I'm Canadian so I have been bred to bitch about the weather. I don't like it too hot or too cold. I own more than a dozen coats and twice as many sundresses. I just worry that if I survive a firestorm or planetary freeze, my gratitude will wane in the weeks that follow and I'll be the ingrate at the survivors' support group meetings complaining about the temperature. I feel embarrassed just thinking about it.
Death by alien invasion is not a compelling idea to me. While I believe in alien life forms, I'm not confident that they harbour hostilities towards us earthlings. I mean, I can certainly understand how they may be pissed off by more than one of us...there are certainly a multitude of jackasses in our midst... but I fail to see how a higher life form would hold that against the rest of us. Besides, who gets rid of a vacation property? Especially in this economy.
I love the idea of pestilence but then, I'm a HUGE Stephen King fan and he wrote about a "super flu" that wiped out a big chunk of the population. In King's book,"The Stand," the infected masses died mostly behind closed doors in a very short span of time, but I really can't foresee it unfolding this way. If past experience serves, it is safe to assume that all the sickies will head to the pharmacies, doctor's offices, emergency clinics and whatever lineup I find myself standing in. Who would believe that the world would end in a barrage of retching and writhing? Maybe I'm just fond of this theory because I had my flu shot on Monday.
The Zombie Apocalypse is especially tempting, but mostly because I know how much it would mean to the kids. They've watched a lot of shows about zombies...like a Doomsday boot camp of sorts...and they have already devised plans to evade and escape. If the zombies are lethargic (as depicted on TV), I think I could embrace the Zombie Apocalypse theory though I'm still cheering for the super flu.
It's settled then! Faced with the possibility of extinction in 6 days, I commit to the theory of doomsday by antibiotic-resistant super flu that may or may not turn people into zombies.
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