On this, the last day of the Mayan Calendar, we're getting ready for the re-set. A little over a year ago, Harold Camping was predicting the end of the world (http://intermittent-tappings-of-a-wordpecker.blogspot.com/2011/05/rapture-rescheduled.html). Years before that we had the Y2K scare. Decades before that Herbert Armstrong predicted the end of the world -- THREE TIMES! Doomsday predictions are becoming...well...predictable.
While we are confident that the world will spin on long after December 21st, it does present an opportunity to give thanks for the little things that make our life easier, sometimes better.
Simple things like bustling stores filled with harried shoppers in search of the perfect Christmas present; the solidarity that foul weather brings to people who want snow but get freezing rain; the light cooing of wild turkeys scratching at the ground in the backyard in search of food; a good book beside a warm fire when temperatures dip below zero; the way your body relaxes into a warm bath as you close your eyes and unwind at the end of the day; talking on the telephone to someone who lives a day away but who is always on your mind; the way that Christmas lights reflect on a light dusting of snow; cute and corny Christmas movies that play over and over leading up to the holidays. Countless riches that we take for granted. Things that deserve our attention...that deserve a second look.
I've been thinking carefully about the things that I don't necessarily use or do everyday, but things that I would miss nonetheless. Take out pizza, for instance. Picking up the phone, calling in your order and picking up a hot pizza for dinner is an absolute treat. Delivery is divine. There are a thousand conveniences I take for granted every day. Modern day conveniences like: hair mousse, flannel sheets, my flat iron, ordering breakfast through a drive-through window, Noxema, whitening tooth paste, my coffee grinder, my coffee maker, Costco, microwaves, spider solitaire, hand cream, the Internet, over-the-counter pain relief, greeting cards, IPhones, radio...this list could go on...and on...and on.
Things aside, there are also people that enrich our lives. Waking up with my kids, talking about our day, joking about things that have happened or could have happened or will happen. Knowing that there are two other people that I am inextricably linked to in life. Two people that know me better than I know myself. Two people I would do anything for. Two that would do anything for me.
Isn't it time that "the end" should be followed by a new beginning? Isn't it time that we find our peace in gratitude. Wouldn't it be better to live our best life every day instead of waiting until tomorrow to get it right?
If this was your last day, how would you live it? Why wait....
So then it's settled. On this last day, we will dance with abandon.
Thursday, December 20
Wednesday, December 19
Doomsday Resolution - Practice Wind Sprints
The countdown to this year's doomsday prediction continues with only 2 days left until "the end of the world."
In a true end-of-world scenario, I guess we would be forced to arm ourselves. Hollywood portrays post-apocalyptic survivors as a bunch of gun-toting renegades with a "take no survivors" approach to battle. I was brought up with female role models like the Bionic Woman and Charlie's Angels in a family-friendly time slot. All that really taught me is that I could, indeed, run in high heels. I did not play graphic, violent video games (we had pac man), and our idea of make-believe was running through the bush pretending we were shipmates of the Battlestar Galactica exploring a new planet. My blood lust is generally reserved for mosquitoes and the occasional spider. Ahhh geez...let's face it...I don't have a violent bone in my body.
My ex-husband, an avid hunter, tested the boundaries of my tolerance for firearms. On a day where I was particularly open minded, I agreed to fire a gun to experience it first hand. It was very noisy. I hated it. It left my ears ringing and my head aching. I don't need to tell you, I'm sure, that this pacifist doesn't own a firearm. Nor do I plan to acquire one.
I do a lot of cooking so I'm pretty handy with kitchen utensils. One time, however, I accidentally cut my hand with an especially sharp knife and I nearly fainted. A friend standing nearby helped me to a chair where I waited until the dizziness and nausea passed. To me, arming myself with a knife is as unthinkable as arming myself with a cheese grater or a spatula. It borders on the absurd.
If I'm being honest, I'm not a fighter, I'm more of a...flighter. When faced with a threatening or stressful situation, my natural response is to flee, take flight, scat, scram, vamoose. While I have been known to engage, it takes a special recipe of stress, fatigue and PMS to get me in the fightin' mood. I remember telling my boss once that I lost my temper with one of our clients and he said, "Hmmmm. Tell me, what was that like?" It's really a testament to my passive nature. I think I would be described as having a gentle disposition. I try to be polite and kind. Not exactly battleground material.
I was born with an acerbic wit and long legs. It's a marvellous example of evolution when you think about it. I crack wise then book it in the other direction with incredible speed. I don't hurt people, I hurt feelings. In light of the fact that we have committed to a doomsday theory involving zombies and possible zombie attacks, we're pretty much screwed. It is unlikely that I will offend an attacker so completely that they will turn tail and run and it's highly unlikely that I'll have them rolling in the aisles. That pretty much leaves the long legs so...
It's settled then! With only 2 days left on the Mayan Calendar, I'm learning to bite my tongue and I'm practicing my wind sprints.
In a true end-of-world scenario, I guess we would be forced to arm ourselves. Hollywood portrays post-apocalyptic survivors as a bunch of gun-toting renegades with a "take no survivors" approach to battle. I was brought up with female role models like the Bionic Woman and Charlie's Angels in a family-friendly time slot. All that really taught me is that I could, indeed, run in high heels. I did not play graphic, violent video games (we had pac man), and our idea of make-believe was running through the bush pretending we were shipmates of the Battlestar Galactica exploring a new planet. My blood lust is generally reserved for mosquitoes and the occasional spider. Ahhh geez...let's face it...I don't have a violent bone in my body.
My ex-husband, an avid hunter, tested the boundaries of my tolerance for firearms. On a day where I was particularly open minded, I agreed to fire a gun to experience it first hand. It was very noisy. I hated it. It left my ears ringing and my head aching. I don't need to tell you, I'm sure, that this pacifist doesn't own a firearm. Nor do I plan to acquire one.
I do a lot of cooking so I'm pretty handy with kitchen utensils. One time, however, I accidentally cut my hand with an especially sharp knife and I nearly fainted. A friend standing nearby helped me to a chair where I waited until the dizziness and nausea passed. To me, arming myself with a knife is as unthinkable as arming myself with a cheese grater or a spatula. It borders on the absurd.
If I'm being honest, I'm not a fighter, I'm more of a...flighter. When faced with a threatening or stressful situation, my natural response is to flee, take flight, scat, scram, vamoose. While I have been known to engage, it takes a special recipe of stress, fatigue and PMS to get me in the fightin' mood. I remember telling my boss once that I lost my temper with one of our clients and he said, "Hmmmm. Tell me, what was that like?" It's really a testament to my passive nature. I think I would be described as having a gentle disposition. I try to be polite and kind. Not exactly battleground material.
I was born with an acerbic wit and long legs. It's a marvellous example of evolution when you think about it. I crack wise then book it in the other direction with incredible speed. I don't hurt people, I hurt feelings. In light of the fact that we have committed to a doomsday theory involving zombies and possible zombie attacks, we're pretty much screwed. It is unlikely that I will offend an attacker so completely that they will turn tail and run and it's highly unlikely that I'll have them rolling in the aisles. That pretty much leaves the long legs so...
It's settled then! With only 2 days left on the Mayan Calendar, I'm learning to bite my tongue and I'm practicing my wind sprints.
Tuesday, December 18
Doomsday Resolution - Clean the Microwave
(I am not certain whether a reader was scolding me today or reassuring me but let me be clear...if I TRULY believed that the world was ending on Friday, I would not waste valuable time on my computer. The fact is, people with very expensive opinions encourage us to live every day as though it was our last. Not with the reckless abandon of a looter, of course, but with humility and awe. Each day is a gift and the time we spend should never be taken for granted. This blog is not intended to be instructional, nor do I wish to promote public panic. It's intended to be tongue in cheek - if it's not, then my writing is worse than I feared.)
The countdown towards doomsday continues and things are rolling smoothly here at casa del wordpecker.
We've decided to give the house a good cleaning and have committed to keeping up with the laundry. Regardless of how the end presents itself, it's probably a safe bet that the fall of human civilization will likely come with some interruption to our power which means losing all the conveniences of life. No water, no lights, no modern cooking appliances or household heating systems, among other things. What's more, I have absolutely no experience with power generation so the future doesn't hold a lot of promise for finding a solution for power-free living. I'm trying to envision a future without vacuum cleaners - nothing but dirty thoughts.
When I think about a post-apocalyptic future, I figure we're all going to end up on foot headed somewhere other than here. A brief decolonization that has people travelling in small groups before meeting up somewhere else and forming a new community. A magical and mysterious someplace to be divulged when the right opportunity presents itself. In this scenario, I figure that the house will become a stop along the way for road weary travellers and...well...I want it to be clean.
I will be taking great care to clean out the microwave oven. It is astonishing to me how quickly and thoroughly that device becomes polluted by food scraps. It's amazing how there is any food left on the dinner plate at all. By Thursday, that microwave oven will be sparkling clean and completely off limits to the kids. The dishwasher will be empty, laundry done, folded and put away, bathroom pristine and carpets vacuumed (for the third time this week.) Beds will be made, floors mopped, furniture dusted, throw pillows puffed up, new batteries in the smoke detectors, and glade refills...refilled.
I don't know that everyone else will be preparing for the end in quite this way, but I still hope that other people will be extending the same courtesy. Cleanliness, after all, is next to Godliness.
It's settled then! With only 3 days left until the decolonization of earth, we will rejoice in a spotless home.
The countdown towards doomsday continues and things are rolling smoothly here at casa del wordpecker.
We've decided to give the house a good cleaning and have committed to keeping up with the laundry. Regardless of how the end presents itself, it's probably a safe bet that the fall of human civilization will likely come with some interruption to our power which means losing all the conveniences of life. No water, no lights, no modern cooking appliances or household heating systems, among other things. What's more, I have absolutely no experience with power generation so the future doesn't hold a lot of promise for finding a solution for power-free living. I'm trying to envision a future without vacuum cleaners - nothing but dirty thoughts.
When I think about a post-apocalyptic future, I figure we're all going to end up on foot headed somewhere other than here. A brief decolonization that has people travelling in small groups before meeting up somewhere else and forming a new community. A magical and mysterious someplace to be divulged when the right opportunity presents itself. In this scenario, I figure that the house will become a stop along the way for road weary travellers and...well...I want it to be clean.
I will be taking great care to clean out the microwave oven. It is astonishing to me how quickly and thoroughly that device becomes polluted by food scraps. It's amazing how there is any food left on the dinner plate at all. By Thursday, that microwave oven will be sparkling clean and completely off limits to the kids. The dishwasher will be empty, laundry done, folded and put away, bathroom pristine and carpets vacuumed (for the third time this week.) Beds will be made, floors mopped, furniture dusted, throw pillows puffed up, new batteries in the smoke detectors, and glade refills...refilled.
I don't know that everyone else will be preparing for the end in quite this way, but I still hope that other people will be extending the same courtesy. Cleanliness, after all, is next to Godliness.
It's settled then! With only 3 days left until the decolonization of earth, we will rejoice in a spotless home.
Monday, December 17
Doomsday Resolution - Download Spider Solitaire
With only four days standing between us and the predicted doomsday, time is being dedicated to planning our transition to chaos. I am paying very close attention to daily habits. Things I do that make my life better. Things I don't want to live without. Things that, with careful planning, I don't NEED to live without.
Our worst-case scenario involves a complete breakdown of infrastructure where things we take for granted gradually cease to exist. While I feel pretty comfortable that I could survive life without daily Facebook visits, I am already mourning the loss of radio and power. I wake every day to a radio station that offers non-stop music with periodic, concise 2-1/2 minute summaries of local and national news. There are occasions I shake my head and think..."This is news?"...but realize that, for me, it is not the material that is important so much as the idea that it conveys....a sense of community. I guess, then that it's not the loss of radio that saddens me but rather the loss of community. (And this coming from a passive member of her own.)
It's not my nature to focus on things I can't control so I'm turning my thoughts to things I can and will preserve so it's decided...I'm loading up my IPhone.
While cellular communications are likely to fail within days/weeks of doomsday, I plan on using my IPhone to safeguard digital versions of what I consider to be hallmarks of our society. Yeah, yeah, it will be completely subjective but just think…how cool would it be to bump into other like-minded planners in the post-apocalyptic meeting and compare our selections. We could make it a whole "coffee house" thing. Besides, appointing myself as a one-woman travelling archive of digital media gives me purpose…a divine (?) mission of sorts.
According to my IPhone, I already have a vast selection of music genres -- alternative, punk, blues, classic rock, country, folk, grunge, hard rock, hip hop, jazz, metal, pop, R & B, and reggae. That said, Apple and I are worlds apart on cataloguing music. For instance, under Showtunes, my IPhone lists Nickelback's “Leader of Men” and that is just not going to do. No, no, no, Apple! Nickleback does not record showtunes! Be forewarned, however, I have decided not to download opera music so… sorry if you’re a big opera fan but I’m not changing my mind. You’ll have to pin your hopes on someone else, or take up the torch for opera lovers everywhere. I will, however, be downloading a few Christmas tunes because -- with or without structured civilization -- we are celebrating the birth of our Lord and Saviour on December 25th and I want music.
I will be downloading Podcasts, audiobooks, e-books and a few useful apps. I’m not a big follower of podcasts OR audiobooks so my approach will be a “people’s choice” method where I rely entirely upon the insights and opinions of others. The benefit of this process is that I will get to enjoy the sense of discovery as I listen to these selections for the very first time while I waste time in burned out buildings or perched in a tree waiting out the zombies. (It just hit me that I am going to need a portable device to charge this bad boy on the fly. Hmmmm….homework.)
E-books is an entirely different matter. More than anything else in the world, I love books and I think maybe it would be a simpler task to set up defenses at a library than to select which books live or die. There are so many literary pieces that deserve to be preserved because they are insightful or inspiring or thought-provoking; testaments to the strength of human character, chronicles of greed and corruption, tales of tragedy and triumph. Man! I hope someone has already built a bunker for the books. I’ll travel with Meditations by Marcus Aurelius, To Kill a Mockingbird, Three Times Carlin and a copy of The Holy Bible…maybe more…definitely more.
I checked and there is actually a Doomsday app. Whatever! I need the one that will turn my IPhone into a flashlight. I will also need the GPS app and the Dark Sky weather app. I have Boggle and Hangman but I still have to download Spider Solitaire. My daughter claims I’m addicted but I’m not convinced…though if she’s right, I’m going to need a fix within days of the apocalypse. Better safe than sorry. (Like you haven't already figured out that this is my personal motto.)
It’s settled then! With only 4 days left before the arrival of the horsemen, I am hereby appointing myself as keeper of the collective social conscience.
Our worst-case scenario involves a complete breakdown of infrastructure where things we take for granted gradually cease to exist. While I feel pretty comfortable that I could survive life without daily Facebook visits, I am already mourning the loss of radio and power. I wake every day to a radio station that offers non-stop music with periodic, concise 2-1/2 minute summaries of local and national news. There are occasions I shake my head and think..."This is news?"...but realize that, for me, it is not the material that is important so much as the idea that it conveys....a sense of community. I guess, then that it's not the loss of radio that saddens me but rather the loss of community. (And this coming from a passive member of her own.)
It's not my nature to focus on things I can't control so I'm turning my thoughts to things I can and will preserve so it's decided...I'm loading up my IPhone.
While cellular communications are likely to fail within days/weeks of doomsday, I plan on using my IPhone to safeguard digital versions of what I consider to be hallmarks of our society. Yeah, yeah, it will be completely subjective but just think…how cool would it be to bump into other like-minded planners in the post-apocalyptic meeting and compare our selections. We could make it a whole "coffee house" thing. Besides, appointing myself as a one-woman travelling archive of digital media gives me purpose…a divine (?) mission of sorts.
According to my IPhone, I already have a vast selection of music genres -- alternative, punk, blues, classic rock, country, folk, grunge, hard rock, hip hop, jazz, metal, pop, R & B, and reggae. That said, Apple and I are worlds apart on cataloguing music. For instance, under Showtunes, my IPhone lists Nickelback's “Leader of Men” and that is just not going to do. No, no, no, Apple! Nickleback does not record showtunes! Be forewarned, however, I have decided not to download opera music so… sorry if you’re a big opera fan but I’m not changing my mind. You’ll have to pin your hopes on someone else, or take up the torch for opera lovers everywhere. I will, however, be downloading a few Christmas tunes because -- with or without structured civilization -- we are celebrating the birth of our Lord and Saviour on December 25th and I want music.
I will be downloading Podcasts, audiobooks, e-books and a few useful apps. I’m not a big follower of podcasts OR audiobooks so my approach will be a “people’s choice” method where I rely entirely upon the insights and opinions of others. The benefit of this process is that I will get to enjoy the sense of discovery as I listen to these selections for the very first time while I waste time in burned out buildings or perched in a tree waiting out the zombies. (It just hit me that I am going to need a portable device to charge this bad boy on the fly. Hmmmm….homework.)
E-books is an entirely different matter. More than anything else in the world, I love books and I think maybe it would be a simpler task to set up defenses at a library than to select which books live or die. There are so many literary pieces that deserve to be preserved because they are insightful or inspiring or thought-provoking; testaments to the strength of human character, chronicles of greed and corruption, tales of tragedy and triumph. Man! I hope someone has already built a bunker for the books. I’ll travel with Meditations by Marcus Aurelius, To Kill a Mockingbird, Three Times Carlin and a copy of The Holy Bible…maybe more…definitely more.
I checked and there is actually a Doomsday app. Whatever! I need the one that will turn my IPhone into a flashlight. I will also need the GPS app and the Dark Sky weather app. I have Boggle and Hangman but I still have to download Spider Solitaire. My daughter claims I’m addicted but I’m not convinced…though if she’s right, I’m going to need a fix within days of the apocalypse. Better safe than sorry. (Like you haven't already figured out that this is my personal motto.)
It’s settled then! With only 4 days left before the arrival of the horsemen, I am hereby appointing myself as keeper of the collective social conscience.
Sunday, December 16
Doomsday Resolution - Buy a New Bra
With December 21st just a few days away it seems to be a good time to simplify. For someone as chronically undecided as myself, a little planning is bound to go a long way and while I don't envision a stress-free apocalypse some thoughtful planning may ease the transition to anarchy. Committed now to a doomsday theory it should be easier to focus my preparations.
The more I think about the end of the world, the more I wonder -- What do I wear? Some may consider this to be a shallow point to ponder but I really see it as a practical question that begs for a thoughtful answer. Let's face it...a forced evacuation means that I may very well have to live with that outfit for the rest of my life. (I can assure you...I am not taking to the hills with luggage in tow.) You don't agree? Take a moment to picture yourself running through dense bush wearing whatever you wore to work on Friday. Now, envision yourself curled up in an abandoned building trying to catch a quick nap in the same outfit. And finally, imagine that same outfit in 10 weeks. Understand now?
Most mornings I stare at my closet in disbelief at an ever-shrinking wardrobe. I select and de-select outfit after outfit while trying to muster the female fortitude required to wrestle myself into a pair of nylon stockings. I can't afford the luxury of this time-wasting indecision when the zombies come a knockin'. It's better, I think, to have an outfit picked out. I especially don't want my end to come at the door of my closet...certainly not without anyone left to enjoy the irony in that demise.
Something tells me that I'm going to need lots of pockets so I'm leaning towards a reunion with my old cargo pants. They're durable, warm, and are hands-down the wardrobe winner for "most pockets." Given that doomsday is scheduled for the beginning of a Canadian winter, layers are probably wise -- finding the right mix of natural fibres and synthetics will be important. Footwear will be critical. I have selected a pair of military-style boots with a good tread, cotton anklets and a pair of wool work socks in keeping with my layering theme. I am, however, going to need a new bra.
I watched a video on Yahoo's fashion site that says that most women are wearing the wrong bra size. Most women, they claim, should wear a cup size F or G which I find astonishing since department stores largely carry cups A through D. In fact, I've never seen an F or G and envision a bowling ball sized accessory with straps. I imagine myself using it to carry firewood, or harvesting pumpkins, or launching stones at the enemy slingshot style. I'll choose a bra without underwire so that I don't have to worry about wire poking into my armpit for eternity on earth. No lace, no jewels, no gel inserts...a practical sports bra will fit the bill I think.
I'll lay out my clothes on December 20th and am committed to packing them for work the next day. (I don't dare show up at the office in my doomsday get-up when it clearly doesn't conform to dress code.) I'll tell you what though...I am NOT wearing nylons to work on Friday.
It's settled then! With only 5 days left of business dress, I will treat myself to a new bra and will observe a self-imposed "no nylon stockings" rule until the fate of all mankind is decided.
The more I think about the end of the world, the more I wonder -- What do I wear? Some may consider this to be a shallow point to ponder but I really see it as a practical question that begs for a thoughtful answer. Let's face it...a forced evacuation means that I may very well have to live with that outfit for the rest of my life. (I can assure you...I am not taking to the hills with luggage in tow.) You don't agree? Take a moment to picture yourself running through dense bush wearing whatever you wore to work on Friday. Now, envision yourself curled up in an abandoned building trying to catch a quick nap in the same outfit. And finally, imagine that same outfit in 10 weeks. Understand now?
Most mornings I stare at my closet in disbelief at an ever-shrinking wardrobe. I select and de-select outfit after outfit while trying to muster the female fortitude required to wrestle myself into a pair of nylon stockings. I can't afford the luxury of this time-wasting indecision when the zombies come a knockin'. It's better, I think, to have an outfit picked out. I especially don't want my end to come at the door of my closet...certainly not without anyone left to enjoy the irony in that demise.
Something tells me that I'm going to need lots of pockets so I'm leaning towards a reunion with my old cargo pants. They're durable, warm, and are hands-down the wardrobe winner for "most pockets." Given that doomsday is scheduled for the beginning of a Canadian winter, layers are probably wise -- finding the right mix of natural fibres and synthetics will be important. Footwear will be critical. I have selected a pair of military-style boots with a good tread, cotton anklets and a pair of wool work socks in keeping with my layering theme. I am, however, going to need a new bra.
I watched a video on Yahoo's fashion site that says that most women are wearing the wrong bra size. Most women, they claim, should wear a cup size F or G which I find astonishing since department stores largely carry cups A through D. In fact, I've never seen an F or G and envision a bowling ball sized accessory with straps. I imagine myself using it to carry firewood, or harvesting pumpkins, or launching stones at the enemy slingshot style. I'll choose a bra without underwire so that I don't have to worry about wire poking into my armpit for eternity on earth. No lace, no jewels, no gel inserts...a practical sports bra will fit the bill I think.
I'll lay out my clothes on December 20th and am committed to packing them for work the next day. (I don't dare show up at the office in my doomsday get-up when it clearly doesn't conform to dress code.) I'll tell you what though...I am NOT wearing nylons to work on Friday.
It's settled then! With only 5 days left of business dress, I will treat myself to a new bra and will observe a self-imposed "no nylon stockings" rule until the fate of all mankind is decided.
Saturday, December 15
Doomsday Resolution - Commit to a Theory
With less than one week to go before the Mayan Calendar runs out, we are faced once again with the prophesied end of the world.
The Mayans were especially helpful in identifying the date, however the cause is not clear which makes the whole prediction seem a little wishy-washy in my book. Some suggest that the world will end when earth collides with a celestial body while other theories portend pestilence. My kids are partial to the idea of a Zombie Apocalypse and Hollywood has foretold of an alien invasion on more than on occasion. Solar flares, a shift in the magnetic poles, flood, famine...the possibilities are endless.
After studying the book of Revelations during youth group, I was horrified by the idea that Satan would release his minions upon the face of the earth in a grandiose battle of good versus evil. Of course, thirty years later I have come to terms with the fact that this has already occurred. If you don't believe me, open up an account on Plenty of Fish. Malevolent forces will reveal themselves to you. Be forewarned though...they will want to chat.
With six short days to go, imminent collision with an asteroid or wayward planet would surely be uncovered by NASA if not , by now, any star-gazer with a department store telescope. I simply don't believe in a conspiracy of silence that would keep this information from the general public. Try to convince me that the world can keep a secret when Facebook tells me what's being served for dinner on the other side of the country. I mean really...isn't a message about a heavenly collision so much more interesting than stir fry?
Solar flares and atmospheric changes are a bit of a concern. I'm Canadian so I have been bred to bitch about the weather. I don't like it too hot or too cold. I own more than a dozen coats and twice as many sundresses. I just worry that if I survive a firestorm or planetary freeze, my gratitude will wane in the weeks that follow and I'll be the ingrate at the survivors' support group meetings complaining about the temperature. I feel embarrassed just thinking about it.
Death by alien invasion is not a compelling idea to me. While I believe in alien life forms, I'm not confident that they harbour hostilities towards us earthlings. I mean, I can certainly understand how they may be pissed off by more than one of us...there are certainly a multitude of jackasses in our midst... but I fail to see how a higher life form would hold that against the rest of us. Besides, who gets rid of a vacation property? Especially in this economy.
I love the idea of pestilence but then, I'm a HUGE Stephen King fan and he wrote about a "super flu" that wiped out a big chunk of the population. In King's book,"The Stand," the infected masses died mostly behind closed doors in a very short span of time, but I really can't foresee it unfolding this way. If past experience serves, it is safe to assume that all the sickies will head to the pharmacies, doctor's offices, emergency clinics and whatever lineup I find myself standing in. Who would believe that the world would end in a barrage of retching and writhing? Maybe I'm just fond of this theory because I had my flu shot on Monday.
The Zombie Apocalypse is especially tempting, but mostly because I know how much it would mean to the kids. They've watched a lot of shows about zombies...like a Doomsday boot camp of sorts...and they have already devised plans to evade and escape. If the zombies are lethargic (as depicted on TV), I think I could embrace the Zombie Apocalypse theory though I'm still cheering for the super flu.
It's settled then! Faced with the possibility of extinction in 6 days, I commit to the theory of doomsday by antibiotic-resistant super flu that may or may not turn people into zombies.
The Mayans were especially helpful in identifying the date, however the cause is not clear which makes the whole prediction seem a little wishy-washy in my book. Some suggest that the world will end when earth collides with a celestial body while other theories portend pestilence. My kids are partial to the idea of a Zombie Apocalypse and Hollywood has foretold of an alien invasion on more than on occasion. Solar flares, a shift in the magnetic poles, flood, famine...the possibilities are endless.
After studying the book of Revelations during youth group, I was horrified by the idea that Satan would release his minions upon the face of the earth in a grandiose battle of good versus evil. Of course, thirty years later I have come to terms with the fact that this has already occurred. If you don't believe me, open up an account on Plenty of Fish. Malevolent forces will reveal themselves to you. Be forewarned though...they will want to chat.
With six short days to go, imminent collision with an asteroid or wayward planet would surely be uncovered by NASA if not , by now, any star-gazer with a department store telescope. I simply don't believe in a conspiracy of silence that would keep this information from the general public. Try to convince me that the world can keep a secret when Facebook tells me what's being served for dinner on the other side of the country. I mean really...isn't a message about a heavenly collision so much more interesting than stir fry?
Solar flares and atmospheric changes are a bit of a concern. I'm Canadian so I have been bred to bitch about the weather. I don't like it too hot or too cold. I own more than a dozen coats and twice as many sundresses. I just worry that if I survive a firestorm or planetary freeze, my gratitude will wane in the weeks that follow and I'll be the ingrate at the survivors' support group meetings complaining about the temperature. I feel embarrassed just thinking about it.
Death by alien invasion is not a compelling idea to me. While I believe in alien life forms, I'm not confident that they harbour hostilities towards us earthlings. I mean, I can certainly understand how they may be pissed off by more than one of us...there are certainly a multitude of jackasses in our midst... but I fail to see how a higher life form would hold that against the rest of us. Besides, who gets rid of a vacation property? Especially in this economy.
I love the idea of pestilence but then, I'm a HUGE Stephen King fan and he wrote about a "super flu" that wiped out a big chunk of the population. In King's book,"The Stand," the infected masses died mostly behind closed doors in a very short span of time, but I really can't foresee it unfolding this way. If past experience serves, it is safe to assume that all the sickies will head to the pharmacies, doctor's offices, emergency clinics and whatever lineup I find myself standing in. Who would believe that the world would end in a barrage of retching and writhing? Maybe I'm just fond of this theory because I had my flu shot on Monday.
The Zombie Apocalypse is especially tempting, but mostly because I know how much it would mean to the kids. They've watched a lot of shows about zombies...like a Doomsday boot camp of sorts...and they have already devised plans to evade and escape. If the zombies are lethargic (as depicted on TV), I think I could embrace the Zombie Apocalypse theory though I'm still cheering for the super flu.
It's settled then! Faced with the possibility of extinction in 6 days, I commit to the theory of doomsday by antibiotic-resistant super flu that may or may not turn people into zombies.
Friday, December 14
Doomsday Resolution...Take a Day Off
As you all know, the Mayan Calendar predicts the end of the world on December 21, 2012. The countdown is on...7 days until the end.
As I have said before, I am not a believer in the end of the world. I don't want to seem negative, but...
it's just easier for me to believe that someone "dropped the ball" than it is to believe in a preordained fate for all of mankind. I totally buy into the notion of an underpaid Mayan labourer hammering dates into stone in a semi-conscious state suddenly distracted by the boss's daughter picking figs in the courtyard... Things get crazy...the horny worker gets fired and the boss figures... "What? Like we're going to need a calendar 5000 years long? Scrap that project...it was running long and over budget anyhow. Give the money to the architects!"
Besides, it seems unfair that the end of the world is scheduled for a Friday. I mean, truthfully, how pissed off are the nine-to-fivers going to be if things go to hell after 5 pm on a Friday? How effective are most people going to be at the end of a work week? We're emotionally spent from dealing with difficult customers and physically drained from our harrowing work schedules. I will be very curious to learn if there is a noticeable pattern in the workplace that emerges during the final week of our countdown to doomsday. Do we work overtime and tie up all our loose ends so that we can focus on fighting for survival without thoughts straying to the expense report we forgot to file? Do we call in "sick" and spend more time with family and friends so that we have fond memories to sustain us through the coming apocalypse? Are we distracted and depressed or are we more focused and productive? I hope that someone out there is paying attention. I can't wait to find out what happens. Human behaviour is fascinating!
I'm thinking that we would all appreciate it if, in future, doomsday activities could be scheduled for the beginning of the work week. The way I see it, Monday morning between 6 am and 8 am is an excellent time to schedule our reckoning. We'll be refreshed from our weekend away from the office, fired up on the week's first pot of coffee and ready to deal with whatever the four horsemen decide to throw at us. Fair play dictates that we should be well-rested if we're expected to endure a doomsday melee. Yup. Monday mornings...that's our day. Take note doomsday prophets!
Again...I want to be certain everyone is clear...I am not a believer. That said, I will take the opportunity to work my scheduled workdays without overtime from now until December 21st...just in case. There will be no overtime, no after hours appointments, no "catching up at home." I have also, for the coming week, sworn off professional development activities (but that is mostly just because it works for me).
It's settled then! Faced with the possibility of extinction in 7 days, I have booked Thursday, December 20th off work.
As I have said before, I am not a believer in the end of the world. I don't want to seem negative, but...
it's just easier for me to believe that someone "dropped the ball" than it is to believe in a preordained fate for all of mankind. I totally buy into the notion of an underpaid Mayan labourer hammering dates into stone in a semi-conscious state suddenly distracted by the boss's daughter picking figs in the courtyard... Things get crazy...the horny worker gets fired and the boss figures... "What? Like we're going to need a calendar 5000 years long? Scrap that project...it was running long and over budget anyhow. Give the money to the architects!"
Besides, it seems unfair that the end of the world is scheduled for a Friday. I mean, truthfully, how pissed off are the nine-to-fivers going to be if things go to hell after 5 pm on a Friday? How effective are most people going to be at the end of a work week? We're emotionally spent from dealing with difficult customers and physically drained from our harrowing work schedules. I will be very curious to learn if there is a noticeable pattern in the workplace that emerges during the final week of our countdown to doomsday. Do we work overtime and tie up all our loose ends so that we can focus on fighting for survival without thoughts straying to the expense report we forgot to file? Do we call in "sick" and spend more time with family and friends so that we have fond memories to sustain us through the coming apocalypse? Are we distracted and depressed or are we more focused and productive? I hope that someone out there is paying attention. I can't wait to find out what happens. Human behaviour is fascinating!
I'm thinking that we would all appreciate it if, in future, doomsday activities could be scheduled for the beginning of the work week. The way I see it, Monday morning between 6 am and 8 am is an excellent time to schedule our reckoning. We'll be refreshed from our weekend away from the office, fired up on the week's first pot of coffee and ready to deal with whatever the four horsemen decide to throw at us. Fair play dictates that we should be well-rested if we're expected to endure a doomsday melee. Yup. Monday mornings...that's our day. Take note doomsday prophets!
Again...I want to be certain everyone is clear...I am not a believer. That said, I will take the opportunity to work my scheduled workdays without overtime from now until December 21st...just in case. There will be no overtime, no after hours appointments, no "catching up at home." I have also, for the coming week, sworn off professional development activities (but that is mostly just because it works for me).
It's settled then! Faced with the possibility of extinction in 7 days, I have booked Thursday, December 20th off work.
Thursday, December 13
Doomsday Resolution...Curb Holiday Shopping
According to doomsday prophets, the Mayan Calendar predicts the end of the world in 8 days. This, of course, is not news. It was initially making headlines months ago but...well...the date is fast approaching so let's say the countdown is officially on.
I don't personally believe that the world will end in 8 days though I have toyed with the idea from time to time in the last few days, especially in light of the time crunch that Christmas activities bring . For instance, I am honestly thinking of putting off buying my Christmas turkey until the 22nd. If all the doomsday followers out there are getting serious about stocking up, I'm thinking canned goods might be in short supply while frozen turkeys should remain relatively plentiful. Yup. I think I'll wait. Who knows...maybe I can take advantage of the End of Mayan Calendar sales that are sure to follow.
I mentioned to the kids that I would probably forego our usual Christmas shopping activities and fast-track the exercise with a "gift card Christmas." Again, I'm not a believer but I am not above capitalizing on the hype to escape the stresses of Christmas shopping. I am not an exuberant shopper under the best of circumstances...and is it just me or does everyone seem especially pissy at this time of year? The lines are longer (which is OK because I just downloaded Boggle to my IPhone) but it can get hot hanging around in a lineup being bumped around by rhino-virus-infected shoppers who lost their patience before they even left the parking lot. While I don't condone shoplifting, I totally understand how tempting it would be to just head to the exit with your wares shooting looks at the suckers standing in line. Don't get me wrong...I could never bring myself to do it but...MAN!...if I could just throw some cash at the staff and head out the doors without my gift receipt, I might be able to embrace holiday shopping. I would need that little thing that removes the security tags from clothes though. There would probably be a long line up at the store that sells those. I bet you even have to give your name and email account before you get to buy one. Hmmm.. the idea is fast losing its appeal.
The three of us have made a pact to shop after Christmas if the world keeps spinning. We'll make a day of it...dinner, shopping...maybe even a movie. The kids understand my aversion and suggested that we would all be better off if I didn't spend the rest of my life shopping. That said, we're going to go ahead and buy gifts for those that fall outside of our pact. We don't, after all, want people thinking that we're whack jobs!!!!
It's settled then! Faced with the possibility of extinction in 8 days, we have agreed to curb our holiday shopping activities.
I don't personally believe that the world will end in 8 days though I have toyed with the idea from time to time in the last few days, especially in light of the time crunch that Christmas activities bring . For instance, I am honestly thinking of putting off buying my Christmas turkey until the 22nd. If all the doomsday followers out there are getting serious about stocking up, I'm thinking canned goods might be in short supply while frozen turkeys should remain relatively plentiful. Yup. I think I'll wait. Who knows...maybe I can take advantage of the End of Mayan Calendar sales that are sure to follow.
I mentioned to the kids that I would probably forego our usual Christmas shopping activities and fast-track the exercise with a "gift card Christmas." Again, I'm not a believer but I am not above capitalizing on the hype to escape the stresses of Christmas shopping. I am not an exuberant shopper under the best of circumstances...and is it just me or does everyone seem especially pissy at this time of year? The lines are longer (which is OK because I just downloaded Boggle to my IPhone) but it can get hot hanging around in a lineup being bumped around by rhino-virus-infected shoppers who lost their patience before they even left the parking lot. While I don't condone shoplifting, I totally understand how tempting it would be to just head to the exit with your wares shooting looks at the suckers standing in line. Don't get me wrong...I could never bring myself to do it but...MAN!...if I could just throw some cash at the staff and head out the doors without my gift receipt, I might be able to embrace holiday shopping. I would need that little thing that removes the security tags from clothes though. There would probably be a long line up at the store that sells those. I bet you even have to give your name and email account before you get to buy one. Hmmm.. the idea is fast losing its appeal.
The three of us have made a pact to shop after Christmas if the world keeps spinning. We'll make a day of it...dinner, shopping...maybe even a movie. The kids understand my aversion and suggested that we would all be better off if I didn't spend the rest of my life shopping. That said, we're going to go ahead and buy gifts for those that fall outside of our pact. We don't, after all, want people thinking that we're whack jobs!!!!
It's settled then! Faced with the possibility of extinction in 8 days, we have agreed to curb our holiday shopping activities.
Sunday, December 2
No Passengers
"All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another." ~ Anatole France
A friend once told me that life's natural rhythm cycles through phases of harmony, followed by periods of disharmony, before arriving at harmony again. This insight is like a beacon to people who find themselves struggling through disharmony; a promise that soon things return to a more gentle rhythm...one that soothes and strenghtens, reassures and resolves.
Nothing is more difficult than moving forward to uncertainty except, perhaps, standing still with that same feeling of uneasiness. Standing in the middle of the road waiting for the road to change is not an option...courage lies in the decision to choose a path. So we do. We put one foot in front of the other and wait for conviction to build itself around our choice.
And sometimes...our choices are made for us. Sometimes we are launched forward into disharmony with no warning or preparation. Suddenly standing on the road. What we do next is entirely our making. So we choose.
The miracle of the human existence is that regardless of the impetus of change, the choices that follow are invariably the same...driven by experience and character inherent in every decision we make no matter how big or small. Each one of us has a built in navigational system that determines our individual destinations. To blame our situation on another, or on the fates alone, is to absolve ourselves of our choices.
We are not, after all, passengers on our journey.
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