Years ago, I fell in love with language and words. It never ceases to amaze me how "the right word" can capture at once an emotion or an idea that would otherwise be lost. Fact is, English is much like our brain...you can easily function using just a fraction of its true capacity. It happens. All the time.
Admittedly, I have, over the years, become a bit of a "language snob." Ask my best friend. She will testify. I remember hours before meeting someone very special in her life, she turned to me and cautioned..."Do NOT correct him." Ok. Fair enough. Besides, if the worst thing that happens in my day, is that I am forced to read an email littered with the misuse of "they're," "their," or "there," I'm having a pretty great day. That said, there are a few phrases that make me NUTS and this is my soapbox so ....
Please, please, please, let's consider archiving some over-used, mis-used, ridiculous, tired phrases. For instance:
"True Dat"
If you have not produced or performed on a recording that went platinum in the last 3 years, you are prohibited from using this slang phrase. That's our new rule.
"Oh Em Gee" (OMG)
N. O. The beautiful thing about communicating in the 21st century is the variety of methods available to exchange words with our fellow man but...please...pick one...and let's not blur the lines.
"Hate the player, not the game."
Actually, I reserve the right to hate both. If there is no player, there is no game and if you fail to find the truth in that, then you are a worthy target of my loathing.
"I ride shotgun."
Look kids, I grew up in hicksville. Shotguns "ride" suspended in racks in the rear window of a rusted old pickup truck. Does that sound like a comfortable mode of transportation to you? Try, "I ride smelly hunting dog with muddy feet." Still sound cool to you?
"Get off your high horse."
If we need an equine reference to get our point across, how about quietly whispering to the offender..."Stop talking, you sound like a jackass."
"Don't shoot the messenger."
No? Well then...would you be open to a beating?
"Can I play devil's advocate?"
Sure. Let's begin. You go to hell.
"If it ain't broke, don't fix it."
It astonishes me that humanity found itself at a place in its history where this tidbit of advice would be a necessary addition to the English language.
"Going to hell in a handbasket."
Honestly...given the destination...do we truly believe that how we get there is going to account for what is bound to be uncomfortable trip?
"Let there be light."
It was cute when God said it but...really...you changed a lightbulb...can we just leave it at that?
"A picture is worth a thousand words."
So you mean to tell me that at this year's Christmas Party when the boss is handing out bonuses by way of short stories or Chagall you will actually struggle under the weight of the decision? I thought so. Let me grab my hammer.
"It's not rocket science."
No...it isn't. It also isn't brain surgery, air traffic control, facial reconstruction or nuclear disarmament but it is freaking hard and I'm struggling here so please...spare me.
"If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen."
Might I also suggest that you avoid furnace rooms, saunas, blacksmith shops, tire fires, the entire month of August, and various travel destinations that litter the equator.
"Paint the town red."
If you must. But take a spray-can. And don't get caught.
"You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink."
No you can't. Just ask PETA.
"It's not over 'til the fat lady sings."
Yet sadly...it ends...and often in oppressive silence.
I could go on. Push the envelope. Run amok...to coin a phrase. I feel better having vented. Turned out today's blog was probably nothing more than just a flash in the pan. I hope you don't think I'm barking mad.
They say that English is one of the most difficult languages to learn. Hmmmm. Wonder why.
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