It reminds me that I don’t need an expensive house or a new car or designer clothes to be happy. It hangs next to a drafty, old window that needs to be replaced in a room that is in desperate need of a makeover. The quote reminds me that I can be happy in my faded old jeans as I curl up on my salvaged sofa to re-read my favourite old books. Don’t get me wrong, I would love to live in a beautiful house among beautiful things, but I wouldn’t trade the quality of my life for the quality of my possessions. Not now. Not ever.
Six years ago, I realized that my life was badly out of balance. I remember driving home early one Saturday morning after working a 21-hour day. My project was not complete, my team was still at the site, and I remember feeling resentful that I was forced to leave without finishing but I didn’t have a sitter and I had to be home for the kids. I don’t recall the exact moment when I realized I needed to make a change, but it wasn’t long after that day that I tendered my resignation.
I joined a new company in a part-time position so that I could spend more time with my kids. I chaperoned class trips, I registered the kids in sports, I made home-baked goods for lunches and otherwise doted upon my children. Suddenly, things picked up at work. I filled in for temporary vacancies, I took on more responsibility and before long I was working full-time (and then some) spending more time working and less time at home. Seems I was repeating old mistakes and I was right back where I started. I left my job. Again!
Before making my decision, I asked my kids how they felt about me leaving my job. I warned them that sacrifices would need to be made by all of us. There wouldn’t be a lot of new clothes; there would be fewer parties, less activities, no summer camps, and no sports for awhile. After some thought, and many questions, they decided they could be happy spending time instead of money. I have great kids!
We spent the entire summer together. We went on day trips to local tourist attractions, played a lot of games, talked, and spent time just listening to one another. I learned that when I ask my son to do something, he will do it even though his first reaction is to protest. That is, he will do it provided that it is a reasonable and respectful request. I learned that when my daughter raises her voice to me, she often turns away and smiles in a way that makes me think she is proud of herself for standing up for what she believes in. I am secretly proud of her too, because she is normally so shy and compliant.
The kids are doing well, though I think sometimes they wish they could have it all – the parent and the paycheque. In the last few months, my kids have learned that:
- money doesn’t come from bank machines;
- libraries have the same books as Chapters but without the expense;
- picnic lunches can also be “happy meals;” and,
- water comes from a tap…for free.
The time we spent together this summer was incredibly precious to me and, I believe, to the kids as well. I wouldn’t trade it for anything. When they returned to school in September I was so deeply sorry that our time together had ended, I found it difficult at first to move forward. Maybe it was because I knew deep down that it was a once-in-a-lifetime summer. It is unlikely that I will ever be able to offer that kind of time to my children again and, even if I could, the kids will soon reach an age where they prefer to fill their time with something or someone other than Mom.
These days I’ve been busy trying to find a way to make a life as well as a way to make a living. This time, I promised myself, I won’t make the same mistakes I have in the past. I’ll figure out some way to go back to work if, and only if, I can do it without slipping back into my old workaholic habits. There are things that are more important to me than my job; my kids, for example, my health, my growth, our community, our collective spirit.
Until I figure out what next to do, I’ll read and write and look for inspiration in the everyday. I’ll curl up on my second-hand sofa and sip my tea while I cut coupons from this week’s paper. When the sales flyers come and taunt me with beautiful living rooms and new furniture, I’ll flip through my Summer 2006 Scrapbook and remember why I chose a more modest lifestyle.
I’ll remember that very little is needed to make a happy life.
2 comments:
Wow! Thanks so much for this post!
I recently started my career, and moved over 1,000 miles to Los Angeles to do so. I find it really difficult sometimes to ward off feelings of commercialism.
I have some college loans I need to pay off, as well as some credit card debt I accumulated from my move (what I was living off of before I started getting paychecks). I definitely can't afford to buy a nice wardrobe or a new car anytime soon, but I'd rather be a fiscally responsible adult than dig myself a debt hole I can't get out of.
Thanks for your comment Diane. I'm glad you found something here that speaks to you.
I always tell my kids that the luckiest people want what they have, rather than have all they want.
Good luck with your new start in LA.
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