Mary Shelley's Ghost Sleeps Here

Not unlike the Bermuda Triangle, there is some mysterious energy force at work in the southwestern corner of my bedroom. Coincidentally, this is the exact location of my nightstand. I anticipate that this claim will be met with some measure of skepticism so I submit this photo as evidence.


Looking at this picture, the room almost appears to tilt into the deep recess of a corner that seems much more expansive than its actual 90-degrees. I assure you, this is not the case. This is simply a physics-defying situation where matter inexplicably gathers in this particular corner of my home. A corner that is neither the lowest point, nor in the general direction of the magnetic north. What's more puzzling still is that the majority of this matter is literary -- novels, magazines, journals, leaflets, references, anthologies.


I disassemble these piles about once a month but find they quickly reappear without explanation. I decided a few days ago that I would once again deconstruct this jenga-like collection of literature to see if I could unravel its mysteries. During this decidedly unscientific investigation, I arbitrarily determined the cause to be this:

My bedside table is haunted by the ghost of Mary Shelley.

"Sure, sure," you say as you roll you eyes. You ask yourself, "Why would Mary Shelley hang out in Ottawa with the Wordpecker?" That's simple. It's because I'm totally cool with it. Besides, what are her alternatives really -- banging around some old castle in England ?


Let's examine the evidence:

• Novel - Dean Koontz - Forever Odd. A book about Odd Thomas, a young man who can see ghosts and, in a limited capacity, communicate with them (though they can't talk back). How can you overlook the implication of this find? Not just any book, but a book about the living communing with the dead. Coincidence? I think not!


• Novel - Stephen King - Cell. A book about the end of the world as we know it, brought about by a pulse communicated through cell phones. Mary Shelley was a famous anarchist philosopher and journalist. I believe that if she were still around, this book would make her top 10 list of good reads.


• InStyle Magazine -- Small Spaces edition. A resource helping you make the very best of your small space would come in mighty handily if you lived in a nightstand. 'Nuff said.


• A leaflet "What You Should Know About the Pandemic." Self-explanatory, but how does it link to Mary Shelley? In 1826, she wrote a novel called The Last Man, about a pandemic that sweeps the globe and results in the end of the world...wait for it...during this century. Clearly she's interested in seeing if her novel was a work of fiction or a chilling prophesy.
  
• An anthology of verse from Athabasca University. Mary Shelley used to chum with the Byrons -- Lord Byron, of course, was a poet. I bet she's taunting him with excerpts from this anthology, communicating with him about how poetry has gone to "hell in a handbasket" since he passed. And trust me, if she's reading from this book, he's spinning in his grave. Some would say it's avant-garde, I think it's a travesty.


• An empty journal covered in caricatures of literary artists from long ago -- Woolf, Bronte, Austen, Platt, etc, etc. Oh, and did I mention Shelley? Uh huh. She's there too. I picture them all gathered for tea on my nightstand while I'm at work.


• Book of Crossword Puzzles. We all need a break from reading now and then and what better way to exercise our minds than to do crosswords? I can tell you that she's a fine speller but she needs to brush up on her geography.


• Current issue of Reader's Digest. This is probably as close as you're going to get to light reading in my home. I don't read The Inquirer or Soap Opera Digest and I don't buy Cosmo or Vanity Fair. Before I subscribed to Reader's Digest, light reading was really just nutrition labels and ingredients lists. I think Mary reads all the jokes first and then goes back and reads the articles.

The remote control, alarm clock, Blistex, reading light, back massager, mask, Tic Tacs and journals are all mine. Mary seems to respect my things which I find very helpful as I play host to her ghost but I'm convinced that she keeps changing the radio station on my clock radio.

So here is the photo that proves that my bedside table can be tidy. Really, I'm not a slob. That's not the problem. Once again, I'm back to the bedside basics but, as always, this phenomenon will reoccur and matter will inexplicably gravitate to this corner over the coming days and weeks. If you are still in doubt, I would be happy to take a picture in three weeks' time to further convince you. In the meantime, I have asked Mary to pay closer attention to her habits reminding her gently that "everything has its place." For now, I'll have to wait and see if she complies.

“My dreams were all my own; I accounted for them to nobody; they were my refuge when annoyed - my dearest pleasure when free.” - Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley