Parenting in a Brand New World

"When we were kids, our parents taught us to meditate. They said 'Sit down and shut up!'" ~ unknown

Raising kids to become responsible, well-adjusted adults is pretty tricky business I think. As the mother of two teenagers, I feel sometimes like I am flailing about in unknown waters as I throw life preservers at my kids. How in the world do you nurture a sense of adventure in your children when what is most important is to protect them from harm? I decided long ago that sharing this world with my children means exposing them not only to its beauty, but also to its unsavory side...there seems no way around it.

During summers when I was a kid, my parents would take us down to the lake for a swim before bed. It meant crossing a road, so we were shepherded from the house by Mom and Dad - an unholy trio of hot kids who couldn't wait to be "the first one in." I remember one night I ran ahead, bound and determined to be the first one to the dock. My father yelled "stop" and so I did...in the middle of the road. "Did you look?" he asked. I looked in both directions and promptly replied, "Yes." "Lookit here...the only thing you're gonna see is the colour of the car that hits you." Then it hit me. Not a car...but that first feeling of vulnerability...mortality. It was a lesson, albeit a brief one, but I still remember it and - well - I couldn't tell you what I ate for lunch last Tuesday so...let's just say it stuck.

We all agree, we don't want to scare our kids, we just want them to be aware. The world needs risk-takers not martyrs and certainly not more fools. It takes courage to know when the risk outweighs the reward and the world needs heroes so we do our best to help our kids calculate risks and then attack life with purpose and clarity and confidence. We hold our breath as they test the waters and hope they survive each and every lesson as they become more practised at managing their own risks. But they are kids, and they are human, and they make mistakes.

Accidents are just that...heartbreaking tragedies that steal and cheat time away from families and friends and futures. There are no reasons to be found...no villains...no dark motives. Just a sad absence that bores its way into the community that loses a life unlived.

Too many young lives end in so many preventable ways but this one...Ben Rogers...hits home. It wasn't misadventure. It was a choice that, under different circumstances would be applauded as a responsible one. I would have done the same thing...I would have walked.

My kids were talking about Ben and, while I normally offer my opinions I could not offer anything of substance...no deeper insight or understanding. No advice. Nothing. I felt only a tightening in my chest and realized I was holding my breath.