Working Bilge Pump Needed

"Commitment doesn't scare me.  The thought of committing to the wrong person does."

~ Anonymous

A friend and I were performing a post-mortem on my latest relationship when he suggested that I have commitment issues. The 73 minute phone call began with a 15 minute discussion followed by a one-sided dissection of the relationship, my behaviour, my needs, my hang-ups, his merits, his mistakes, his devotion. He talked, I listened. In the end, he simply felt that the breakdown could all be explained by my fear of commitment or, quite possibly, by my lack of communication.

The commitment remark offended me but I was trying to be a good listener and didn't want to interrupt so I silently seethed while he continued to wonder at my decision to end things. His point about my lack of communication was fair but really a matter of perspective so, once again, I listened in silence and made note of the absence of any desire to defend myself.

That's when I recognized it...that familiar vacuum of apathy that sucks away the space that belongs to angry shouts of self-righteous indignation and hurt -- space that belongs to the gritty hallmarks of passion. It was nowhere. It could neither be summoned nor manufactured. It didn't make me sad so much as it made me sure. Something was missing. Something I knew I needed but that had failed to materialize during our time together.

Truth is, I am not afraid of commitment. I think that's the easy part. Commitment requires loyalty, patience, respect and trust. I can do all that and I'm confident in my abilities to recognize those traits in a partner. Over time, however, I have learned that other qualities are critical to a relationship's enduring success. There are things that each of us can or cannot live with or without. We all have our own deal breakers and our list of must-have's. I have no plans to list mine here but, in the end, I must have unwavering faith in the relationship's sustainability before I will surrender to it completely. To commit to a relationship absent of passion, at least in my mind, is defeat not surrender.

Relationships are complex -- easy for some, less easy for others -- but they are as unique as the individuals in them. The only thing they have in common is that they are imperfect. Every relationship is a leaky boat. The trick is to find the leak and determine what you need to staunch the flow.

It takes courage to enter into a relationship. We move forward with open hearts and open minds, of the attitude that we will learn something valuable whether or not we succeed. In every case we grow; we learn more about ourselves and others through our failures as well as our successes. And sometimes...we have our ass handed to us. So we rally...and we find a new boat...and we step lightly packing our bailing bucket, just a little bigger than the last one.

A Blog's Identity Crisis

"A blog is merely a tool that lets you do anything from change the world to share your shopping list." ~ Anonymous

How lame is it to blog about your blog?  OK, well, I'll keep it short.

Fact is, I haven't changed this site since I first created it so I really felt like the time was ripe for change.  Besides, every time I open up my Blog account, the template creator takes centre stage and it seems -- at least lately --  like it has taken on a more menacing quality.  Blogger has a new look!  (so update this tired mess)

Naturally I resist.  I can follow but I'm not a follower.  (I dance to the beat of my own kazoo....if you get my drift.)  Having said that, after seeing "Blogger has a new look!" day after day after day, a seed had been planted and I guess the idea finally grew roots.  Suddenly, nothing is more important than replacing the old polk-a-dot page.

I flipped through the templates and fell in like with page after page of fun and colourful designs.  I tried on a few bright and bold templates but the look felt pretentious.  I drafted up a couple of "awesome template" samples but in the end I felt like the template over-promised.   Let's face it...this isn't your source for daily news or market tips.

The blog references the wordpecker so I instinctively leaned towards nature, birds, trees and settled on a look that felt like a fit.   I can tweak it over time but...for now...welcome to the Wordpecker's new look.

Should Have Demanded A Handshake

Be true to your work, your word, and your friend. ~ Henry David Thoreau

Last week I had the pleasure of chatting with one of our clients  -- a senior citizen with a lovely disposition and a wonderful sense of humour.  During the course of our conversation, he came to tell me about how he acquired his first home mortgage.

About sixty years ago, this fellow walked down the the local sawmill to meet with the owner of the mill.  A successful business man and a pillar of his community, the owner of the mill was a friend to everyone.  My client explained to the sawmill owner that he was interested in a particular home "down the road" that was for sale along with considerable acreage.  The sawmill owner asked about my client's family and then quickly and directly explained his lending terms.  "I will finance the purchase at 5% on the condition that you pay each month without fail.  If you miss a payment, you make it up and pay the note out at 10%."  Needless to say, assured my client, that he never missed a payment.  They shook on it right then and there on the floor of the sawmill office.  The lawyers drafted the note but it was a done deal as soon as they clenched hands.  Sixty years ago a man's word was his bond.  It was currency.  It was credibility.

Three hundred and sixty days ago I shook hands.  I stood on a sawmill floor myself and promised I would knuckle through twelve months of an unfavourable term to break through with considerable gain at the end of the year.  Short term pain for long term gain.  A risky investment fueled by emotion more than logic but justifiable nonetheless after a quick cost-benefit analysis.   There was no kindly sawmill owner.  What there is, regrettably, is a bureaucracy with a deeper sense of responsibility to its shareholders than to the individuals in which they invest.  I was an investment and, as good as it was...they want more and have no compunction whatsoever in reversing their original agreement with me.  The terms have changed...just when they were supposed to turn in my favour.  At least they will, if I don't terminate....and I will terminate.

I am the first to admit that I am hopelessly naive but it is only because I have an unwavering faith in the goodness and truth of others.  Don't get me wrong, I can spot a fraud, but all things being equal, you have to earn my mistrust.

This experience won't change my outlook. I know that because I've survived worse and I still believe in the greater good.  

Next time I'll be sure to insist on a handshake.

Doomsday Resolution - Dance with Abandon

On this, the last day of the Mayan Calendar, we're getting ready for the re-set.  A little over a year ago, Harold Camping was predicting the end of the world (http://intermittent-tappings-of-a-wordpecker.blogspot.com/2011/05/rapture-rescheduled.html). Years before that we had the Y2K scare.  Decades before that Herbert Armstrong predicted the end of the world -- THREE TIMES!  Doomsday predictions are becoming...well...predictable. 

While we are confident that the world will spin on long after December 21st, it does present an opportunity to give thanks for the little things that make our life easier, sometimes better.

Simple things like bustling stores filled with harried shoppers in search of the perfect Christmas present; the solidarity that foul weather brings to people who want snow but get freezing rain; the light cooing of wild turkeys scratching at the ground in the backyard in search of food; a good book beside a warm fire when temperatures dip below zero; the way your body relaxes into a warm bath as you close your eyes and unwind at the end of the day; talking on the telephone to someone who lives a day away but who is always on your mind; the way that Christmas lights reflect on a light dusting of snow; cute and corny Christmas movies that play over and over leading up to the holidays.  Countless riches that we take for granted.  Things that deserve our attention...that deserve a second look.

I've been thinking carefully about the things that I don't necessarily use or do everyday, but things that I would miss nonetheless.  Take out pizza, for instance.  Picking up the phone, calling in your order and picking up a hot pizza for dinner is an absolute treat.  Delivery is divine. There are a thousand conveniences I take for granted every day.  Modern day conveniences like:  hair mousse, flannel sheets, my flat iron, ordering breakfast through a drive-through window, Noxema, whitening tooth paste, my coffee grinder, my coffee maker, Costco, microwaves, spider solitaire, hand cream, the Internet, over-the-counter pain relief, greeting cards, IPhones, radio...this list could go on...and on...and on.

Things aside, there are also people that enrich our lives.  Waking up with my kids, talking about our day, joking about things that have happened or could have happened or will happen.  Knowing that there are two other people that I am inextricably linked to in life.  Two people that know me better than I know myself. Two people I would do anything for.  Two that would do anything for me.

Isn't it time that "the end" should be followed by a new beginning?  Isn't it time that we find our peace in gratitude.  Wouldn't it be better to live our best life every day instead of waiting until tomorrow to get it right?

If this was your last day, how would you live it?  Why wait....

So then it's settled.  On this last day, we will dance with abandon.

Doomsday Resolution - Practice Wind Sprints

The countdown to this year's doomsday prediction continues with only 2 days left until "the end of the world."

In a true end-of-world scenario, I guess we would be forced to arm ourselves.  Hollywood portrays post-apocalyptic survivors as a bunch of gun-toting renegades with a "take no survivors" approach to battle.  I was brought up with female role models like the Bionic Woman and Charlie's Angels in a family-friendly time slot.  All that really taught me is that I could, indeed, run in high heels.  I did not play graphic, violent video games (we had pac man), and our idea of make-believe was running through the bush pretending we were shipmates of the Battlestar Galactica exploring a new planet.  My blood lust is generally reserved for mosquitoes and the occasional spider.  Ahhh geez...let's face it...I don't have a violent bone in my body.

My ex-husband, an avid hunter, tested the boundaries of my tolerance for firearms.  On a day where I was particularly open minded, I agreed to fire a gun to experience it first hand.  It was very noisy.  I hated it.   It left my ears ringing and my head aching.  I don't need to tell you, I'm sure, that this pacifist doesn't own a firearm.  Nor do I plan to acquire one.

I do a lot of cooking so I'm pretty handy with kitchen utensils.  One time, however, I accidentally cut my hand with an especially sharp knife and I nearly fainted.  A friend standing nearby helped me to a chair where I waited until the dizziness and nausea passed.  To me, arming myself with a knife is as unthinkable as arming myself with a cheese grater or a spatula.  It borders on the absurd.

If I'm being honest, I'm not a fighter, I'm more of a...flighter.  When faced with a threatening or stressful situation, my natural response is to flee, take flight, scat, scram, vamoose.  While I have been known to engage, it takes a special recipe of stress, fatigue and PMS to get me in the fightin' mood.  I remember telling my boss once that I lost my temper with one of our clients and he said, "Hmmmm.  Tell me, what was that like?" It's really a testament to my passive nature.   I think I would be described as having a gentle disposition.  I try to be polite and kind.  Not exactly battleground material.

I was born with an acerbic wit and long legs.  It's a marvellous example of evolution when you think about it.  I crack wise then book it in the other direction with incredible speed.  I don't hurt people, I hurt feelings.  In light of the fact that we have committed to a doomsday theory involving zombies and possible zombie attacks, we're pretty much screwed.  It is unlikely that I will offend an attacker so completely that they will turn tail and run and it's highly unlikely that I'll have them rolling in the aisles.  That pretty much leaves the long legs so...

It's settled then!  With only 2 days left on the Mayan Calendar, I'm learning to bite my tongue and I'm practicing my wind sprints.